#1480. Do not exasperate your children (25/3/26)
- Matt Beaney
- Mar 25
- 5 min read
Welcome to this Come to Jesus Daily Devotional (posted, at present, every weekday) as we continue our Ephesians series: Ephesians - To the praise, for the purpose, in the power of God.
From Ephesians 6:4, we reflect on how parents are to be wise and avoid needlessly aggravating their children, whilst seeking to lead them to Jesus.
To watch this devotional, please select the link below:
‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.’ (Ephesians 6:1-4)
We are covering this text throughout this week, today we are going to be focussing on verse 4:
‘Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.’ (Ephesians 6:4)
In Colossians, we read something very similar:
‘Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.’ (Colossians 3:21)
So far this week, we’ve considered the important principles of obedience and honour within the family. Today, the focus turns to parents—fathers in particular.
It’s easy for parents to become so caught up in the busyness of family life—encouraging, correcting, managing—that we fail to pause and reflect: How are we actually doing as parents? Are our methods and goals helping or hindering?
1. What does it mean to ‘exasperate your children’?
Our text says, ‘…do not exasperate your children…’ It’s right that children hear the command, ‘Obey’ and ‘Honour’, but parents must also be humble enough to take this command seriously.
The word translated ‘embitter’ (parorgizó) means to provoke to anger.
We can, in unhealthy ways, stir up anger in our children. Especially when correcting them, we must take great care not to inflame either their anger or our own. We are to deal gently with them. Too often, parenting becomes reactive and ill-considered, leading to raised voices, yelling and escalating conflict. As far as possible, we should aim to respond calmly, wisely, and thoughtfully.
Stephen Covey illustrates the importance of listening well:
‘A father once told me, “I can’t understand my kid. He just won’t listen to me at all.” “Let me restate what you just said,” I replied. “You don’t understand your son because he won’t listen to you?” “That’s right,” he replied. “Let me try again,” I said. “You don’t understand your son because he won’t listen to you?” “That’s what I said,” he impatiently replied. “I thought that to understand another person, you needed to listen to him,” I suggested.’
(Covey, Stephen R.. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
2. Why does this text speak to fathers?
Fathers are addressed because they are called to take responsibility for leadership in the home. Additionally, men can be more prone either to harshness or, conversely, to passivity and absence. God’s design is that both mother and father work together as a team wherever possible.
The Zondervan Exegetical Commentary, writes:
‘This passage, however, teaches that fathers need to exercise a sensitivity and care in how they interact with their children, and especially in how they discipline them. Fathers should carefully weigh the potential impact of their words and actions before responding to their children. This passage effectively rules out reactionary flare-ups, overly harsh words, insults, sarcasm, nagging, demeaning comments, inappropriate teasing, unreasonable demands, and anything else that can be perceived as provocative. In his instructions to fathers in Colossians, Paul says, “do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged”’ (Col 3:21). (Zondervan Exegetical Commentary)
Response
We must seek to avoid needlessly aggravating our children in our desire to lead them to Jesus. Our zeal for their good must not become a force that drives them away from what we long to impart. This means intentionally investing in a relationship marked by joy, warmth, and mutual respect.
To those without children: We can all apply this principle in our relationships and roles; at work, with friends, in leadership positions… we can all wisely seek to avoid exasperating people as we seek to help others.
To fathers: Are you deeply involved in family life—in both the encouragement and correction of your children?
To all parents: Do you exasperate your children by reacting out of frustration? Children often test and stretch us—but we must not respond in kind.
If we embitter our children, we may hinder them from coming to Christ, because we represent Christ to them.
‘Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.’ (Matthew 19:13-15)
Community Group Notes
1. Notices
It might be good to begin with notices. Please share from this week’s Church News.
2. Icebreaker
Something that builds relationships and confidence to share; it’s good to regularly use this moment to ask the group: How has God been speaking to you from His Word this week, and how has this helped you?
3. Worship together
Let’s begin our time together by lifting our eyes and hearts to worship our great God. Perhaps you have readings and songs that you would like to use together. Let’s be open to the gifts that the Spirit wants to give in order to encourage one another.
4. Study and pray together
Balanced Time Allocation - Please ensure a balanced focus on discussion, SIV (Serve, Invest, and Invite), and prayer so that each section is meaningful and fruitful.
On Sunday, we continued our new series entitled: Ephesians: to the praise, for the purpose, in the power of God.
From Ephesians 6:1-4, we learn that God has a design for family relationships that lead to flourishing.
Please read Ephesians 6:1–4 and discuss:
Personal reflection – From Sunday’s message and this passage, what stood out to you? Was there anything the Holy Spirit particularly impressed on your heart?
The command and the promise – What is the promised outcome of obeying this command? In light of this, what might be the consequences of neglecting or disobeying it?
To children – This instruction is given to all children, both young and old. What does it look like in practice to obey and honour parents? How can we do this faithfully, even when parents are not believers or do not act in godly ways?
To parents – What are parents warned to avoid, and why? How do ‘training’ (discipline and correction) and ‘instruction’ (intentional, godly teaching) serve as the antidote to exasperating or provoking children to anger?
SIV (Serve, Invest, and Invite)
The witness of godly families - From our text, how does godly family life bring glory to Jesus in this world?
Sharing Stories – Have you had any recent opportunities to Serve, Invest in, or Invite someone toward Jesus? Let’s encourage one another by sharing stories of how we’ve seen God at work through simple faithfulness.
Practical Next Steps – Who might God be placing on your heart at this time? Are there any “people of peace” (see note) in your life—those who seem open, welcoming, or receptive to spiritual conversation?
Let’s Pray Together
Please pray for the Easter period - for both our Good Friday and Easter services - pray for opportunities, and the love, to take those opportunities to invite people.
Pray for courage, wisdom, and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit in our Serve, Invest, and Invite opportunities.
Pray specifically for the ‘people of peace’ in our lives - that God would open hearts and deepen relationships.
General prayer: From our study, or from personal needs, how do people want prayer?
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