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  • Writer's pictureMatt Beaney

#601 (16/5/22) LOVE IS NOT RUDE

‘Love… is not rude (does not dishonour others), it is not self-seeking…’ (13:5)

To be Rude (Aschémoneó) is to speak and act unbecomingly, shamefully, often sexually. It also means to ‘dishonour’ God and others with our words, persona and actions.

We live in a very rude culture. I believe that the U.K. in 21st Century is becoming increasingly rude. It’s very rare that one can watch a film, program, read a book, read a news article, without it trying to promote and attract through dishonourable language and values. Unfortunately, rude people are also very popular. Strangely, we can give our attention to people who outrage us or to the who rudely attack what those whom we dislike. So rude is our culture that the TFL recently launched a campaign against sexual harassment on public transport through which they want to tackle:

1. Cat Calling - Making unsolicited remarks of a sexual nature about someone  

2. Exposing - Revealing intimate body parts   

3. Cyber-flashing - Sending or showing sexual content without consent  

4. Pressing - Rubbing against someone on purpose   

5. Touching - Touching someone inappropriately  

6. Staring - Intrusive staring of a sexual nature   

7. Up-skirting - Taking photos under someone's clothing  

A culture that entertains itself and promotes rudeness and dishonourable  behaviour, should not be surprised with the trouble this causes. As Hosea says of us,

‘They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind.’ (Hosea 8:7)

That said, the church should be exemplary. We are to be in this world but not of it! We are to be the light and salt of the earth. There should be something different in the way that we conduct ourselves.

Love is not rude. The love of God is not rude. Our conduct in the church and in our communities should be marked by consideration of the other.


Rudeness is often about how we speak. James warns of the disastrous affects that rude speech has:

‘Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.’ (James 3:5-6)


James teaches that the tongue cannot be tamed and, without care, will lead us into rude and dishonourable speech.

‘All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.’ (James 3:7-8)


However, although we will always be tempted to use our tongue harmfully, God, through His Spirit, gives us His wisdom so as to be considerate and loving in how we speak.

‘But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.’ (James 3:17-18)


Are we rude and dishonourable? Are we inconsiderate? If we are Christians, God will give us His wisdom and self-control so as to be peace-loving and considerate. Let’s live mindful of indwelling sin that leads us into rudeness. Let’s also be prayerful so as to live with Christ-like consideration.



1. Notices

It might be good to begin with notices. Please share from this week’s Church News.


2. Icebreaker

Do you have any encouragements to share from how God has been speaking to you from His word recently?


3. Recap of Sunday's message - please share in your group

On Sunday, we continued with our series 'Becoming Love' from the book of 1 Corinthians, looking at the next two aspects of love.

Please read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

last week we looked at how love 'does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.' These are poisonous to our relationships. This week, we are considering the next two facets: 'love is not rude or self-seeking'.


Rudeness is to speak and act unbecomingly. To behave shamefully often sexually.

It's Immodest and tempts others to sin with our appearance, words etc. Rudeness is commonplace. Modern programming is filled with expletives. Our screens give the message that sex is free, easy and without consequences.


Self-seeking is to seek, search for, desire, require and demand our will. If we are self-seeking, we will inevitably be rude because we are inconsiderate of others.

Instead of being rude and self-seeking, we, like Christ, are to seek the best for others by using our spiritual gifts, our words etc. to build the local church.

Discussion questions

i) Did you feel that God spoke to you from any particular aspect of Sunday's message?

ii) This section on love is about the correct use of spiritual gifts; how will avoiding rudeness and self-seeking ensure that we use our gifts in a healthy manner?

iii) In what ways are we to use our words in order to love others? Do you have any personal experience of this?

iv) Why is listening to others and seeking to understand them so important to love?

SIV - What effect will the avoidance of rudeness and self-seeking have on our witness?

SIV - Do you have any encouraging stories of sharing your faith with your friends?

SIV - How do you plan to 'serve, invest and invite' into your friendships?

SIV - Let's pray for the Spirit to lead us in reaching our community.

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